DUNCAN BARKES Call in the men in white coats – the world’s going mad...

When a UFO finally lands on the South Downs and a green creature with six eyes emerges, I do not want to be the earthly representative who has to try to explain the current state of our nation…

Campaigners are calling for the head of the executive producer of the TV drama Midsomer Murders because he said he doesn’t use ethnic minorities in the storylines, as it wouldn’t be an English village with them. Accused of trying to wipe ethnic minorities off the screen, his critics conveniently forget there are dozens of TV programmes that feature so-called ethnic characters and storylines.

Freedom of speech is increasingly championed by those who only want it to work in their favour. Heaven forbid that anyone who wants the same right outlines an opposing view.

Christians continue to be marginalised by the courts, while the authorities bend over backwards to protect other religious beliefs to the point of obsession.

Inmates at Ford Open Prison in the final stages of their sentences decided to riot because they were offended at being searched for booze, despite most of them being half-cut in the first place. Days after murderer Raoul Moat shot himself dead, thousands joined Facebook pages that called him a hero, despite the fact he shot his ex-girlfriend, murdered her boyfriend and blinded a police officer.

European Union legislation continues to generate miles of red tape, while our local councils wage war against shop-owners whose only crime is to use signs and boards to promote their businesses.

Fast-food outlets are to put calorie information on their menus, as many customers are too thick to realise a double cheeseburger with large fries and a shake is not as healthy as a salad.

The music industry is dominated by performers who rarely write their own material, while real talent seldom gets to breakthrough.

Lady Gaga resorts to wearing frocks made out of bacon rashers in order to make headlines, as attracting attention based on the merits of her music is a non-starter.

Parents think it is acceptable to shout at their children in the high street, using words not out of place in a football locker room, and then wonder why their offspring has no respect for them.

The bloke standing outside the convenience store sees nothing wrong in blowing his nose on his shirtsleeve and then gripes that people look down their noses at him.

Meanwhile, those of us who believe in decency, manners, standards and being responsible for our own actions end up in a state of incredulity on the sidelines.

I certainly won’t be able to explain it to our Extra Terrestrial visitors. Will you?