LAURA CARTLEDGE: Halloween post needs to be stamped out...

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For a while now I think I’ve known that I am not the target market for halloween.

I can’t pinpoint when it happened, but this year it is more obvious than ever.

The first sign was my sister’s reaction to my ideas for a costume to wear to her party.

Of course there is probably an element of sibling-induced embarrassment here, but if a tax man isn’t scary, I don’t know what is.

My second option of a traffic warden didn’t get a thumbs-up either. So I didn’t even mention ‘Donald Trump as president’.

Granted these aren’t the most conventional outfits, you are unlikely to find them on a rail in the seasonal supermarket aisle, but I don’t think I’ve got it all wrong.

In fact, I’ve checked (thanks Wikipedia) and it states that the ‘traditional focus of All Hallows’ Eve revolves around the theme of using ‘humor and ridicule to confront the power of death’.

I’ve just taken it a bit further in a desire to confront things that are (perhaps) more terrifying.

My favourite outfit of halloweens gone by happened at university, which seems fitting.

It is a time to express yourself after all, and my expression has never involved tiny dresses or tutus.

Going as swine flu was current and surprisingly comfortable thanks to the forensic suit.

Yes it was also, arguably, bad taste but it is not an occasion known for being overly PC.

The big costume debate – namely if you are on side ‘sexy’ or ‘scary’ – is not a new one. And I don’t think it is one which will ever be won.

I understand why people want to go for the first side, but for me the desire to be warm and creative always puts me in camp two.

There is a topic, related to this holiday, which seems to have united everyone I have spoken to, however, and that is... halloween cards.

And the united response is a big fat ‘why?’

I first saw them advertised in a shop window as I missioned past one lunchbreak.

It was a couple of steps later that my brain caught up, causing me to stop and backtrack.

I mean, halloween cards?

My first thought was ‘what on earth do you write in them?’

Which I suppose, in hindsight, is a fitting question for someone who does what I do for a living.

‘I hope you don’t get too scared’, my brain hopelessly suggested.

‘Boo?’ it questioned.

Regular readers of these ramblings will know I am a big fan of post, but even for me this is a step too far.

I’m already battling with stationers which, judging by what is dominating the shelves, don’t seem to think anyone is born between now and Christmas.

Heaven forbid if you are seeking something to send in celebration of an anniversary,

new job or baby.

Then there’s the horrible idea it might be for postal ‘trick or treat?’ – instead of walking and knocking – but that is just too scary for me to entertain.