I’m hungry and thirsty – and not just for England to actually play well for 90 minutes and win a game.
It’s been watching this week’s World Cup games that’s made me so.
It started with Martin Keown saying France’s win was a piece of cake and continued with Lawro watching a player go to ground and saying: ‘I’ll have two sugars with mine’.
Did he say that, or was it a dream? The former, if past form is anything to go by.
It’s a shame Lawro wasn’t co-commentating on the Spain-Chile game – then he could have discussed the merits of tea and Busquets.
Away from excerpts that belonged more to Come Dine With Me than the World Cup, have there been any other weird quotes from pundits?
Well, how long have you got?
What about Rio Ferdinand saying Edin Dzeko was ‘cute upstairs’? Best left uncommented upon, that one.
Wednesday, of course, brought out the real football drama, twists and passion.
That’s right, Pompey’s fixtures were released – the highlight of the summer so far.
Oh and some Aussie scored a half-decent goal as they lost to Holland – and Spain went out.
Then it was on to the big England game last night and over at the ITV studio overlooking the Copacabana, it was very misty – although experts confirmed the dense fog was merely caused by Glenn Hoddle’s opinions.
Midway through the game, Uruguay’s Alvaro Pereira suffered concussion in a collision and when he came round, Tyldo said he looked like a ‘punch-drunk boxer’.
At the end of the game, we knew how he felt.
It was enough to make you want to put something in Uruguay’s confiscated caramel spread before they get it back.
Which reminds me... I’m still hungry.
Email email@example.com / tweet @stevebone1