REVIEW: A Long Way Down, (15), (96 mins), Chichester Cineworld

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The characters might decide against jumping, but the film itself certainly takes a fatal plunge, finally expiring a miserable 96 minutes later to the relief of all concerned.

If director Pascal Chaumeil thinks he’s made an upbeat life’s-worth-living type film about suicide, then he’s misjudged it appallingly. In fact, whatever he thinks he’s up to, the only result is one of the least appealing films in the history of cinema. Imogen Poots and Aaron Paul teamed up in Need for Speed to make one of the dullest films ever made. Here they pool resources once again to come up with the tackiest.

A Long Way Down

A Long Way Down

The premise is that four very different people meet on the roof of a London tower block on New Year’s Eve, each intent on taking his own life. And here the misery stakes are quite laughable in their crudeness.

Martin Sharp (Pierce Brosnan) is a washed-up TV personality newly out of jail after a bout of mistakenly under-aged sex; Paul is a pizza delivery boy who announces he has terminal brain cancer; Poots is a stroppy teenager who’s just been dumped; and Toni Collette glams herself down to become Maureen, mother to a severely-disabled son.

What larks. What larks. Within minutes of meeting, they decide against suicide, become celebrities, are persecuted by nasty journalists and then escape on holiday where, don’t you just know it, the press plague 
them still.

Meanwhile you know it’s only a matter of time before the disabled son will be feebly clinging on to the life his mother thought she wanted to throw away – and not because she doesn’t love him, she manages to gush in one of the toe-curling bursts of mawkishness which alternate with the unfunny comedy.

If the film said anything profound about depression or 
suicide; even it it were just a tiny bit amusing, you might just forgive it. As it is, it’s beyond awful.

Phil Hewitt